Sometimes I find it hard to be assertive and demanding of others because it just does not feel right and why would I want to be so mean to them or make them do anything. Being selfish is something that I would never want to be, I feel it is mean; pushy, bossy, aggressive, and most of all rude. I do not believe that saying yes all the time is particularly “alright” in a sense of the term, but how far am I willing go for someone else even if I do not truly want to.
There are multiples of ways to make oneself assertive and selfish depending on the person themselves as to how far they are willing to take this selfness. I find it difficult to say no in many cases, such as, talking to a friend. Speaking with a friend can be one of the most relaxing things or most aggravating and everything in between. When a friend asks you of something whether it may be going to the store for them; dropping something off somewhere, or helping them out with a project.
It is your friend, so in some cases we feel obligated to do things for them when we do not have to. I feel that it is just we do not want to upset them that make us want to everything we can in order to please them. Maybe you are busy with your own work, maybe you need something to be dropped off, but do not have the time. Would your friend (if you asked) help you or be selfish?
There are many other situations that revolve around being selfish to one another. Like when a parent asks you to do something. Of course you are not going to say no because you have to listen to them, right? But think about when you get older. As a young adult in college and working as well, trying to start your own life. You may feel that when your parent asks you something you have to drop everything and do what they asked when in truth you do not have to. You are an adult and have your own business to take care and time you must keep track of, so when the situation arises you can respectfully decline, but in a case where you can do it later just let them know you shall take care of it at a later time.
As a growing human being no matter the age, you find yourself in many awkward moments where you are stuck between a rock and a hard place, or to better phrase it, a question and a tough answer. There are several ways to set boundaries for yourself, or prepare yourself to let others down when you do not feel like doing something, or cannot help at the moment.
If you happen to be that person that cannot find the correct words to let others down without the fear of hurting their feelings and/or coming off as “disrespectful” then the way to handle it is; try to relax, take a deep breath, and tell him/her that you cannot help them at the moment, but maybe at a later time. You neither agreed to help them or turned them down, you simply said you are busy for now and if you can if you happen to be available then you would let that person know; simple, easy, and both sides walk away happy.
If you want to practice saying no in general, to be prepared for anyway situation you may encounter then here is a way to practice and you do not need to be around anybody else in order to do it. First things first. Try to be confident in yourself and never let anybody else make you feel obligated to do anything you do not want to do. This is the hardest step because when facing a person, you know well or simply do not want to upset in any way will look impossible, but you have to remember that they are your friend or family and they will understand.
Another step is to get a mirror and constantly say no at your reflection. Ask your reflection a question for example,” hey, will you run to the store for me?” then reply by saying,” no” or giving a respectful let down. This is a tactic that will not only prepare you for various questions, but it gives you numerous ways to replay to many questions.
They are various ways to let someone down as well as build up your confidence and the ability to say no in numerous ways, but remember to never let someone make you feel small or as if you have to do whatever they say when they say it. Understand that there is a level of respect that you must abide by when doing such. There is never a guarantee that everybody will be happy when you turn them down, but it is always better to say what you want and mean rather than accept nonsense and do things you do not want to.